Howard Stern: How-To!

Okay, after turning on the TV late last night to try & find something good (other than watching hour 11,000 of the Olympics) I finally hit the edge with the Howard Stern show. And by hitting the edge, I mean I am fed up with the fact that it's still in syndication. Don't get me wrong, at one point it was creative and edgy, but seriously every time it's on all I see is washed-up high school jv cheerleaders who think they're Playboy material. Here's the show format in a nutshell:

• Howard spends a couple minutes blabbering with co-hosts before introducing the guest.

• The guest is one of the following:
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1. Woman with too much make-up, not enough clothes, who thinks Howard is going to interview her for her great stories and quick wit.

2. Two girls who think they're on the show because they're the best thing since sliced bread. They eventually manage a peck somewhere around the end of the show to shut Howard up and to get their plug.

3. A midget.

4. An E-list porn star from 1991 whose work you might find in the local recycling center
next to the used motor oil.

• Howard plays a game with the guest, usually at the expense of their clothing, which after being taken off looks something like this:

• Howard Ooh's & Ahh's and flirts with the guest, who in turn either grudgingly flirts with him or eggs him on to get the plug for their movie/video/book/action figure.

• Howard Plug for {insert guest name here} void of all value now that the guest has given the DAT sound carts a lapdance which to viewers looked like this:

• Post interview, usually done by the irritating sidekick (whose been doing this for 9 years!) in which the guest tries to get the hell out of the building before any more damage is done.

• Credits roll, which look like they've been done by a SUNY film student.

• Rinse & Repeat.